Don't Ask Alice Read online

  Hello?

  What on earth was she on about?

  Had she been in the same house as me last night?

  What about the slug, who nearly became a half slug?

  The miniature lasagne?

  The melted ice cream?

  Peter’s almost-broken tooth?

  The really broken vase that Mum would never, ever forgive me for?

  The….

  Alice interrupted my thoughts.

  ‘Don’t you think it went really well, Meg?’

  ‘Er, how exactly was that?’ I asked.

  ‘OK, so the food wasn’t all that great, but…….’

  I interrupted her.

  ‘The food was worse than “not all that great”. It was totally disastrous.’

  Alice laughed.

  ‘OK, so the food was practically poisonous, but that doesn’t matter now. I’ve been thinking about this all night – I hardly slept at all. I’ve decided that what matters is that Dad and Linda really did have a proper date. It was a real dinner, with three courses, and champagne. And later on, when Mum comes over with Jamie, I can tell her all about it.’

  ‘But there’s not really anything to tell, is there?’ I protested.

  ‘But there is. OK, so they didn’t end up all lovey-dovey, but you could tell that Dad really had a good time with Linda. They nearly kissed, remember? Once Mum hears about that, she’ll start to get worried. I know it.’

  I felt I had to stop her. After talking to Linda, I knew that there had never been any question of a kiss.

  ‘Now that I think about it,’ I said. ‘Maybe your dad and Linda weren’t going to kiss last night.’

  ‘So why was he leaning over her like that?’

  I thought quickly.

  ‘Maybe he was just trying to get away from Rosie – you know how she wriggles!’

  ‘Yeah, right,’ said Alice. ‘I’m telling you, Megan. I have a good feeling about this. My plan is going to work. I just know it.’

  I was wondering whether I should tell her what Linda had said that morning, when the doorbell rang.

  ‘That’ll be Mum,’ said Alice as she dragged me into the hall to open the door.

  Jamie said ‘hi’ and ran upstairs. Veronica stepped into the hall.

  ‘Hi, Mum,’ said Alice. ‘Come on in. How are you? Did you have a nice night?’

  Veronica kissed Alice as she passed her, and went to sit in the living room.

  ‘It was very nice thank you,’ she said. ‘Jamie and I had pizza and then we watched a DVD and had an early night.’

  Alice made a face.

  ‘Sounds totally booooring to me,’ she said.

  ‘Well then, what did you do that was so exciting?’ asked Veronica.

  Alice grinned at her.

  ‘It wasn’t me who did something exciting. It was Dad. He had a very, very exciting night.’

  Veronica sighed.

  ‘Don’t tell me – he watched a new TV channel? He bought himself a new pair of socks? He decided to support a new soccer team?’

  Now Alice sounded cross.

  ‘Very funny, Mum. Not. He had his big date. Remember? With Linda, Megan’s aunt.’

  ‘Oh, that. I’d forgotten all about that,’ said Veronica. ‘How did he get on?’

  It sounded to me like Veronica was interested, but not in a jealous kind of way. Alice didn’t seem to notice this. She began to gush.

  ‘Oh, he had the most fantastic time. The date was in Megan’s house – but only because Linda had to mind Megan and Rosie. Otherwise they’d have gone to a really posh restaurant. Megan and I cooked dinner – three courses – very fancy. It was soooo delicious. Dad loved it. Then they had champagne, and it was veeeeery romantic. Wasn’t it Megan?’

  I jumped.

  ‘Er… yes. I suppose it was,’ I said.

  ‘And then Linda and Dad—’

  Just then Peter came in to the room.

  ‘Linda and Dad what?’

  Alice didn’t even blink, but I wondered what she had planned to say next – something totally gross like that Linda and Peter kissed for ages – or something exaggerated like that they were going to get engaged any day now.

  ‘Oh,’ Alice said now. ‘I was just telling Mum about your date last night.’

  Peter grinned and looked at Alice.

  ‘Well, I suppose you could say we had an interesting evening.’

  Suddenly I knew I had to get out of there. Since I’d been Alice’s friend for so long, I was used to weird stuff, but this was even weirder than usual. I was in her house listening to her mum and dad discussing her dad’s hot date with my aunt. I mean really, how weird is that?

  I grabbed Alice’s arm, and pulled her out of the room.

  ‘Come on, Al,’ I said. ‘I need to talk to you outside. Urgently.’

  I had taken Alice by surprise, so I got her as far as the hall before she realised what was happening. There, she dug in her heels and folded her arms and refused to go any further. Since she’s bigger and stronger than me, I couldn’t force her.

  ‘What do you urgently want to talk to me about?’ she asked.

  I sighed.

  ‘Anything. I don’t care. Let’s just get out of here. Let’s go to my place and see if Linda has any more secret supplies of chocolate.’

  Alice shook her head.

  ‘Sorry, Meg. I’m not going anywhere. I need to listen to Mum and Dad. I need to know what’s happening.’

  As she spoke, she edged closer to the living room door, pulling me along next to her.

  I don’t even like eavesdropping. Mum has told me about a million times how mean and dishonest it is to listen in on other peoples’ conversations, and I kind of agree with her. Since Alice’s parents broke up, though, I never seemed to do anything else. And what was really scary, I was starting to get good at it.

  I held my breath, leaned in closer and listened.

  ‘……and then I went home,’ said Peter.

  Veronica spoke softly.

  ‘It sounds like you had a lovely evening,’ she said. ‘I’m happy for you. I really am.’

  I looked at Alice. Obviously Veronica wasn’t one bit jealous. Now would Alice admit that her plan had failed?

  Fat chance.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ she hissed. ‘Mum doesn’t mean it. I bet she’s really jealous. She just doesn’t want Dad to know it.’

  Then Peter spoke again.

  ‘You know, Veronica, last night has made me understand something.’

  ‘What’s that?’ she said.

  ‘Well, it’s made me see that I’ve been afraid to let go of our marriage. I’ve been hanging on, hoping you’re going to change your mind.’

  Now Veronica’s voice was so soft I could just barely hear it.

  ‘I’m not going to change my mind you know, Peter. It’s over for us forever. I’m sorry.’

  Peter sighed.

  ‘I know that now. And after spending the evening with Linda, I know I can move on.’

  Veronica sounded interested.

  ‘So there’s really something between you two?’

  Peter shook his head.

  ‘No. Definitely not. Linda’s nice, but she really isn’t my type. It’s just that I enjoyed her company. We had a nice evening, and I realised that it’s stupid to sit at home clinging to the past. I think I’ve finally accepted that our marriage is over.’

  I gulped. That was probably the saddest speech I’d ever heard. I looked at Alice. She wasn’t making any sound, but streams of tears were pouring down her face and dripping on to her sweatshirt. This was too much for me. I wanted to help her, but I didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t a problem that could be sorted out with a cup of hot chocolate and a few nice biscuits. This time there was only one place Alice could go to for help.

  I gave her a small push towards the living room.

  ‘Go,’ I whispered. ‘Go in, and talk to them.’

  For once in her life, Alice didn’t argue with me. S
he ran in to the living room and threw herself on to the couch between her parents. I watched as they both hugged her and tried to wipe away her tears.

  Then I let myself out the back door, and went to sit on one of her swings.

  Alice didn’t need me right now, but later on, I knew she would.

  And when she did, I was going to be right there, waiting for her.

  That’s what best friends do – right?

  Chapter twenty-three

  Much, much later, Alice came out to the garden. Her face was pale, and her eyes were all red and puffy. She sat on the swing beside me and gave me a weak smile.

  ‘Thanks for staying,’ she said.

  I smiled at her.

  ‘That’s OK.’

  For a few minutes we were quiet. Without saying anything, we got involved in one of our swinging competitions, trying to see who would be first to hit the branches of the old apple tree with our feet. All I could hear was the creaking of the swing-chains, and the rustling of the leaves in the apple-tree. This swinging competition is one of the few things I’m better than Alice, but this time I let her win. I thought it might make her feel a bit better.

  After we’d both kicked the branches a few times, we let our swings slow down, until they were barely moving.

  ‘Well,’ Alice said. ‘As clever plans go, I suppose that one counts as a bit of a failure.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I asked, as if I didn’t know.

  ‘The plan was, we’d get Dad to go out with Linda, Mum would get jealous, she’d fall in love with Dad again, she’d move back in here, and the O’Rourke family would all live happily ever after. What really happened was, we got Dad to go out with Linda, and as a result he’s decided that he and Mum are never getting back together. Ever. It’s over, and all the secret plans in the world won’t be able to change it.’

  I leaned over and stroked her shoulder, not an easy thing to do when you’re on a swing.

  ‘I’m sorry, Al,’ I said. ‘I really am. I should have stopped you. I shouldn’t have let you go on with your plan.’

  Alice gave a small laugh.

  ‘Yeah, right. Like you should have stopped me when I hid under your bed at Halloween? Like you should have stopped me at spring mid-term, when I tried to get rid of Norman? I know it’s not easy to stop me when I have a plan. It’s like I get so carried away, I can’t see straight any more.’

  I had to smile. I’d never have guessed that Alice knew herself so well.

  ‘But this time I should have tried harder,’ I said. ‘This time I think we made things worse.’

  Alice shook her head.

  ‘I don’t think so. Mum and Dad were never going to get back together. Even Dad knows that now. And there’s no point hoping for something that’s never going to happen. It’s just stupid. It’s like a little kid waking up on St Stephen’s Day, sad that he has no more presents to open, and wishing that every day could be Christmas Day.’

  ‘I used to wish that,’ I said.

  ‘Me too,’ said Alice. ‘And every year, I used to wish for a pony for my birthday, but Dad hates animals, and wouldn’t even let me get a goldfish, so that was kind of a waste of time.’

  Now I laughed.

  ‘That’s a bit like wishing that my mum’s going to come home one day and say, “Megan, dear, I’ve decided I’ve been too strict about food. There’s going to be no more vegetables or porridge in this house. It’s going to be a diet of sweets and biscuits around here from now on.”’

  Alice laughed too.

  ‘I think you’ve got the idea. Sometimes the time comes when it’s better to face up to the truth. It’s easier in the end.’

  I smiled back at her, and started to swing again. It made me a bit sad to see my crazy friend being so calm, so sensible.

  After a minute, Alice started to swing too. She gave a sudden giggle.

  ‘Let’s think of a really great trick to play on Melissa. We’ve only got a few weeks left at school, so it’s got to be a biggie.’

  I gave a sigh of happiness. Alice O’Rourke was never going to be sensible. That was always going to be my job.

  Chapter twenty-four

  Linda, Rosie and I had yummy pizza for lunch. I ate four huge slices, and then stopped, as I felt like my belly was going to burst open, spraying the whole room with pineapple and pepperoni and cheese and tomato sauce.

  ‘Mum never lets us have pizza,’ I said, now that it was too late for Linda to do anything about it.

  ‘I know,’ said Linda, wiping tomato sauce from her mouth. ‘That’s why I decided to have it today.’

  I sighed.

  ‘Mum is so obsessed with healthy food. It’s totally pathetic. I wish she could be a bit more like you.’

  Linda smiled across the table at me.

  ‘She only does what she thinks is best for you. It’s easy for me. I hardly ever see you, so I can relax and spoil you a bit. Your mum can’t do that.’

  ‘Yeah, but if you were my mum, what would you do?’

  Linda smiled again.

  ‘Sorry, Megan. I’d probably be just like your mum. I’d fill you up with healthy food, until you were begging for mercy.’

  That made me feel a bit better, but I’m not really sure why. Maybe it was the thought that Mum isn’t such a freak after all.

  Just then the doorbell rang.

  ‘I’ll get it,’ I said, as I ran into the hall. ‘It’s probably Alice.’

  I opened the door and was very surprised to see Alice’s dad there, holding a large cardboard box with a ribbon on it. I felt like closing the door in his face.

  What was he doing here?

  I thought Linda ‘wasn’t his type’.

  Did he really think she would be interested in him just because he brought her a big present?

  I felt sorry for him, but that didn’t mean I wanted him hanging around my house, making my life even more complicated.

  ‘I’ll get Linda,’ I said.

  Peter put his hand up.

  ‘No. Don’t, Megan. It’s you I want to see.’

  I backed away a bit.

  Why did Peter want to see me?

  Did he think the whole romantic date thing was my idea?

  Was he going to tell me to stay away from Alice for the rest of my life?

  How unfair would that be?

  Peter held the box towards me.

  ‘This is for you,’ he said.

  I took the box, and stood there holding it, not knowing what to do next.

  Peter smiled.

  ‘You can open it, if you like,’ he said.

  So I carefully balanced the box in one hand and used the other to pull off the ribbon. I opened the lid and looked inside the box. Inside was a crystal vase.

  ‘I think it’s the same as the one that got broken last night,’ said Peter proudly. ‘I spent ages trying to find the exact one. You see, Alice—’

  I interrupted him.

  ‘But I’m the one who broke the vase,’ I said. ‘Not Alice.’

  Peter raised his eyebrows.

  ‘OK, so you were the one holding the champagne bottle at the time, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the whole sorry mess was Alice’s idea.’

  He was right, of course, but I felt I ought to try to defend my friend.

  ‘It wasn’t just Alice,’ I said. ‘I helped too. I––’

  Peter put up his hand to interrupt me.

  ‘It’s OK, Megan,’ he said. ‘Whatever you did, I’m sure Alice did ten times more. And she’s not in trouble, so you don’t have to protect her.’

  I gave a small sigh. Since no one was in trouble, it was probably better not to say any more. And besides, having the vase would save me an awful lot of explaining when Mum and Dad got home.

  Peter took the box from me again.

  ‘I’ll take away the packaging, and you just take the vase, and put it back where the old one used to be, and no-one will ever know the difference.’ I carefully lifted the vase from the
box. Inside it was a brown note – fifty euro.

  ‘Look,’ I said. ‘You left this inside by mistake.’

  Peter shook his head.

  ‘That’s not a mistake. That’s just a little something for you. Buy yourself something nice with it.’

  Fifty euro. I closed my eyes and thought of all the cool things I could buy. Maybe Mum would let me go to town with Alice after school one day. We could go for hot chocolate. I could buy new clothes, and Alice could help me pick them out. I’d even have enough to buy something for Alice too. We could have such fun. I opened my eyes and looked at Peter again.

  ‘But why…….?’ I began.

  Peter smiled at me.

  ‘Alice has had a very hard time of it these past few months, but you’ve stood by her all the way. I know she can be difficult, but you’ve stayed with her no matter what. She’s a lucky girl to have a friend like you.’

  I didn’t know what to say to this, so I said nothing. I folded up the money and put it into my pocket. I was embarrassed, and Peter looked like he was going to cry.

  He turned away.

  ‘I’ll be off so,’ he said.

  ‘Good-bye, and thanks,’ I said, but I don’t think he heard me.

  Chapter twenty-five

  Linda and I spent ages hiding the evidence of all the rules we had broken over the weekend.

  We went to the recycling centre and got rid of all the pizza packages and the Coke bottles and the packets from the brightly-coloured cereals. When we got back we tidied every inch of the house. I put the new vase up on the cabinet, where the old one used to be. When everything was done, Linda took Mum’s list of rules and put it back on the kitchen table. She smiled at me.

  ‘Remember, Megan,’ she said. ‘Your Mum makes these rules for your benefit.’

  ‘So why did you let me disobey them all?’ I asked.

  She shrugged.

  ‘Oh well, we all need a break now and then. Sometimes it’s good to live a little.’

  ‘Linda,’ I said suddenly. ‘Are you going to tell Mum about last night – about the dinner, and Peter coming over for a date and all that stuff?’

  Linda didn’t answer for a minute, and I started to feel a bit scared. I should have known adults always back each other up in the end. It’s like they have some secret pact they won’t let us kids in on.