Viva Alice! Read online

  ‘The new plan is simple, but effective,’ said Alice. ‘I’ve realised that saying nice stuff about people is a bit weird, especially if you do it all in a rush, like we did.’

  Grace giggled. ‘It took you the whole night to figure that out?’ she asked.

  Alice ignored her. ‘I’ve just remembered a really interesting article I read in a magazine last year.’

  ‘Do share,’ I said.

  ‘The article was about six pages long,’ she said. ‘And I got bored and stopped reading halfway through it, but the basic point was that helping people makes you feel good about yourself.’

  ‘That’s probably true,’ I said. ‘I felt really good about myself when I helped Rosie to cycle her bike without stabilisers. And for weeks afterwards, every time I saw her on her bike, I felt all warm and happy.’

  ‘So sweet,’ said Grace. ‘And I see where you’re going with this, Alice, but there’s one problem. Who around here needs help?’

  ‘Oh don’t you worry about that,’ said Alice. ‘Leave it to me. I’ve got it all figured out.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’ I asked.

  ‘I’ll tell you when the time is right,’ said Alice. ‘I’m working on a need-to-know basis, and for now, I’m the only one who needs to know. Now who’s coming down for breakfast? I’m starving.’

  I should have known to be afraid.

  * * *

  After breakfast, Lorna and Eddie went shopping. When the rest of us had tidied the kitchen, Gavin went upstairs as usual and Alice, Grace and I went to lie beside the pool.

  ‘Poor Gavin,’ I said as we settled down on our sunloungers. ‘Can you hear that sad music coming from his room again? He’s playing the same few songs over and over again. A broken heart must really hurt.’

  Alice jumped up from her sunlounger, and I suddenly remembered the plan she hadn’t shared with us.

  ‘You’re right, Megan,’ she said. ‘A broken heart must be awful. We can’t waste any more time. We need to move on to the next stage of our plan.’

  She walked across the patio until she was standing right under Gavin’s window. She grinned at Grace and me, and then she took a deep breath. ‘Er, Alice,’ I said nervously. ‘What exactly are you––?’

  Before I could finish my sentence, she screamed loudly. ‘Gavin!!’

  When my ears had finally recovered, I noticed that the sad music had stopped. A second later, Gavin leaned out of the window. Even from a distance I could see how sad his huge brown eyes were. He looked like a big, lost puppy.

  ‘What do you want?’ he asked. ‘Why are you calling me?’

  ‘We need your help,’ said Alice sweetly. ‘Grace told me before that you’re a really good swimmer.’

  ‘Er … I suppose I’m not too bad,’ he said. ‘But how is that going to help you? It doesn’t look like you’re drowning or anything.’

  ‘Ha, ha,’ said Alice. ‘That’s really funny, Gavin. The problem is – Megan can’t swim.’

  ‘Alice!’ I hissed, but she ignored me and continued. ‘So we thought maybe you could give her a lesson.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Gavin, looking surprised. ‘Would you like that, Megan?’

  I could feel my face going red, and before I could answer, Alice answered for me.

  ‘Of course she’d like it. She’s just a bit shy, that’s all. You’d love a swimming lesson from Gavin, wouldn’t you, Megan?’

  I was totally, totally embarrassed. I felt sorry for Gavin too, though, so I didn’t argue. I put my hands over my red face and half-nodded.

  ‘OK,’ said Gavin. ‘I’ll be down in a sec.’ And then he vanished from the window.

  ‘That’s totally unfair, Alice,’ I said as soon as he was gone. ‘You know I don’t need a swimming lesson. I can swim perfectly well already – better than you.’

  ‘You can pretend, can’t you?’ said Alice. ‘It’s all in a good cause. Don’t you want to help Gavin?’

  ‘But I’ve just finished putting on my sunscreen.’

  Alice picked up the bottle and read from the label on the back. ‘100 per cent waterproof. I knew we could rely on Sheila. You can swim all you want, Megan. Isn’t that lucky?’

  Grace giggled, but stopped when I glared at her.

  ‘This is totally stupid,’ I said. ‘Why didn’t you say …?’

  Before I could finish, Gavin appeared. There was no way I was letting him think I was a total idiot, so I tried to smile.

  ‘Er, thanks for coming down, Gavin,’ I said. ‘But Alice got a bit mixed up – she does that sometimes. But the thing is – I can actually swim.’

  ‘So you don’t need my help?’ he asked, looking surprised.

  I was about to agree with him, when I saw Alice glaring at me. I suddenly remembered that she wasn’t deliberately embarrassing me. In her usual OTT way, she was trying to be nice.

  ‘I do … kind of need your help, Gavin,’ I said. ‘It’s just maybe … you know … you could give me a few pointers … you know … to improve my stroke and stuff.’

  ‘Sure thing,’ said Gavin. ‘I can easily do that. Why don’t you swim a length or two and we’ll see what needs to be done?’

  So I climbed into the pool, and swam up and down a few times. It was totally embarrassing, knowing that the others were all watching me, but there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it.

  When I stopped swimming, Gavin sat at the edge of the pool. I concentrated on his big brown eyes, and did my best to ignore Alice and Grace, who were making faces at me behind his back.

  ‘You could be a really nice swimmer if you just tweaked a few things,’ he said. ‘Your kick is a bit off, and if we fix that, you’ll see a huge improvement.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘I’d like to do that.’

  ‘Well let’s get started then,’ said Gavin, and he gave me a big smile, that made me feel kind of embarrassed and happy at the same time.

  Gavin was really, really patient. He explained things carefully, and encouraged me when I got it right. After a bit, he took off his t-shirt and got into the pool to demonstrate what he’d been describing. Alice was still watching, but she wasn’t making faces any more. I got the weird feeling that she was a bit jealous. I grinned and waved at her, and she sat back on her sunlounger and pretended to read her book.

  After half an hour, Gavin climbed out of the pool. ‘You did really well, Megan,’ he said. ‘I can give you another lesson tomorrow if you like.’

  ‘I’d love that,’ I said, grabbing a towel and rubbing it through my hair, so he wouldn’t see how embarrassed I was.

  When I’d finished drying my hair, he was gone, and from inside the house I could hear the sad music starting up again.

  ‘OMG,’ said Grace. ‘That plan totally worked. Did you see how much Gavin smiled while he was teaching Megan? I bet he didn’t think about evil witch-woman the whole time. You’re a genius, Alice.’

  ‘Thanks,’ said Alice. ‘But I knew that already. We’re not finished with Gavin yet, though – he’s still playing that awful music. Now be quiet, so I can think of a plan for tomorrow.’

  * * *

  After lunch, Grace showed us these cool motor-scooter things we were allowed to use, and we spent ages driving around the villa complex, checking everything out. Then we did more sunbathing, and I practised my swimming and Lorna and Eddie prepared for a barbecue.

  Mum rang just as we were getting ready to eat. It was nice to hear her voice, but it quickly turned into a question and answer session.

  ‘Did you remember to put on your sunscreen?’

  ‘Did you make sure not to swim until an hour after eating?’

  ‘Did you help Lorna and Eddie with the dishes?’

  ‘Are you avoiding sweets and biscuits?’

  ‘Are you eating plenty of fruit and vegetables?’

  ‘Are you drinking plenty of water?’

  My answer was always the same. ‘Yes, Mum. Yes, Mum. Yes, Mum.’ It was like I was singing the chorus of a very boring
song.

  In the end, I couldn’t take any more. ‘Er, Mum, it’s lovely to talk to you,’ I said. ‘But I need to go. We’re having a barbecue and I think it might be ready.’

  That was a mistake. A big mistake. My innocent excuse set off a whole new string of commandments.

  ‘Don’t stand too near the barbecue.’

  ‘I’m sure Lorna and Eddie are very careful, but make sure you don’t eat any pink chicken.’

  ‘Burned food is very bad for you, so be careful not too eat anything that’s too black.’

  ‘Mum,’ I said impatiently. ‘I really need to go. Everyone’s waiting for me.’

  Her voice went all soft and mushy and I felt sorry. ‘OK, darling,’ she said. ‘We love you and we miss you. Rosie and Dad and Domino send hugs and kisses and cuddles.’

  ‘Bye, Mum,’ I love you too,’ I said, and then I hung up.

  Later I managed not to get burned or poisoned by the barbecue, and then we went to bed and that was the end of our first full day in Lanzarote.

  Chapter Ten

  The next morning, Gavin gave me another swimming lesson. Once again he was really nice and helpful. Once again, Alice sat by the pool, pretending not to watch, pretending she didn’t mind that I was the one getting all the attention.

  ‘Watch out, Megan,’ she said after a bit. ‘Or before you know it, you’ll end up at the Olympic games.’

  ‘She very well might,’ said Gavin. ‘She’s good enough.’ And I had to dive quickly under the water so he wouldn’t see how red my face had gone.

  When my lesson was over, and Gavin had gone back inside, Alice, Grace and I decided to check out the communal pool. We picked three sunloungers near the snack bar, right in the middle of the action.

  ‘OK,’ said Alice, as soon as I had got comfortable. ‘We’ve got work to do.’

  ‘Work,’ I wailed. ‘Aren’t we supposed to be on holidays? What work do we have to do?’

  ‘It’s time for us to find a nice girl for Gavin,’ said Alice.

  ‘Maybe he doesn’t want a girl, nice or otherwise,’ said Grace. ‘Maybe he just wants a quiet life.’

  ‘A quiet life isn’t an option when Alice is around,’ I said giggling. ‘Haven’t you figured that out yet?’

  ‘But what if––?’ began Grace before Alice interrupted her.

  ‘Hey,’ she said. ‘What about that girl over there?’

  She was pointing at a blonde girl who was lying at the other side of the pool.

  ‘Well, she’s very pretty, and she looks about the right age for Gavin,’ I said. ‘What do you think, Grace? You’re the one who should decide. Remember the girl we pick might one day be your sister-in-law.’

  Before Grace could answer, a boy came and sat down next to the blonde girl. He leaned over and gave her a big smoochy kiss.

  ‘Good choice, Alice,’ said Grace.

  ‘Oh, well,’ said Alice. ‘You win some you lose some. Now what about that girl coming out of the snack bar?’

  * * *

  For the next half hour, Alice picked out lots of girls and Grace and I rejected them for one reason or another. Grace said no to one girl, just because she didn’t like her swimsuit. I said no to another girl because she reminded me a bit of Melissa. I felt a small bit guilty, judging all these strangers, but I didn’t say anything because it was also great fun.

  We were just thinking about going back to the villa, when a girl came and put her towel down on a sunlounger near us. She was tall, with long dark hair. She wasn’t exactly pretty, but she looked nice, like she’d be kind to puppies and small kids and stuff. As she sat down, she looked at us, and smiled for a second, but when her smile faded, her eyes seemed sad. Then she opened her book and started to read.

  ‘OMG!’ mouthed Alice to Grace and me. ‘She’s the one.’

  Suddenly I felt nervous. I was totally afraid of what Alice was going to do next. My best friend has no idea how to be subtle.

  I jumped up and started to roll up my towel.

  ‘We should be going,’ I said. ‘It’s nearly time for … dinner … or … lunch … or our nap … or something.’

  Grace took the hint, and she stood up too and started to get ready to leave. Alice wasn’t giving up though. She stood up and went over to the girl.

  ‘It’s a nice day, isn’t it?’ she said, which I thought was a bit pathetic. Who wants to talk about the weather? Especially in a country where nearly every day is nice?

  The girl was polite though. She smiled at Alice and nodded.

  ‘Is that a good book?’ asked Alice.

  The girl smiled and nodded again, but she had a puzzled look on her face. I guess she was wondering why this stranger kept asking her stupid questions. I couldn’t bear to watch any more.

  ‘I’m going back to the villa,’ I said. ‘Anyone coming?’

  Alice pretended not to hear, so Grace and I walked towards the exit, and waited. And waited.

  We watched as Alice sat on the end of the girl’s sunlounger, like they were best friends.

  We watched as the girl put her book down and said something to Alice.

  We watched as Alice laughed like the girl had just told her the funniest joke in the universe.

  Then we waited some more.

  In the end I had to go back. I felt sorry for the girl who might one day be Grace’s sister-in-law.

  ‘Come on, Alice,’ I said. ‘It’s getting late. We really, really need to go now.’

  ‘Bye, Robyn,’ said Alice, as if it was perfectly normal to have your friend pulling your arm and practically dragging you along the edge of a swimming pool. ‘Maybe I’ll see you here tomorrow?’

  ‘Sure,’ said the girl. ‘I guess I’ll be here.’

  ‘She’s perfect,’ said Alice as we walked back to Grace. ‘Totally perfect. She’s really nice and friendly, but not totally vain and prissy like some girls her age are. And best of all – she hasn’t got a boyfriend.’

  ‘You asked her?’ That was brave even for Alice.

  ‘Not exactly,’ said Alice. ‘I just said that I’d love to have a boyfriend, and she said I shouldn’t be in any hurry about that. She said her boyfriend broke up with her three weeks ago.’

  ‘Aw, that’s kind of sweet,’ I said. ‘Maybe she and Gavin can be sad together.’

  ‘And then they can get over it all, and be happy together,’ said Grace, sounding enthusiastic about the plan for the first time.

  ‘Anyway,’ said Alice, ‘Her name’s Robyn. Her dad is English and her mum is Spanish – that’s probably where she gets her dark skin from. She lives in England, but she comes here for a few weeks every year.’

  ‘Funny I’ve never seen her before,’ said Grace. ‘We’ve been coming here since I was tiny.’

  ‘It’s fate,’ sighed Alice. ‘Fate kept her and Gavin apart until the perfect moment – which is like, now.’

  ‘Or maybe they never met before because they get different school holidays in England?’ I said.

  ‘Anyway,’ said Alice, who always prefers exotic explanations to likely ones. ‘Who cares why they never met before? The important thing is that they are going to meet now.’

  ‘So what else did you find out about my future sister-in-law?’ asked Grace.

  It turned out Alice had found out a lot – especially considering she’d only had about five minutes to do it.

  ‘Well, she goes to college in London. She’s in first year, same as Gavin. She hasn’t got any brothers or sisters, and usually she brings a friend on holidays with her, but this time she asked her boyfriend to come, and when he broke up with her, it was too late to ask anyone else, so now it’s just her and her parents. She says it’s a bit boring.’

  ‘Oh, well,’ I said, giggling. ‘I’m sure we can rely on you to give her a holiday she’ll never forget.’

  ‘Thanks, Meg,’ said Alice. ‘Good to know you’ve got so much confidence in me. Now I’m starving after all that hard work. Let’s get some lunch, and then we can start
to properly plan the romance of the century.’

  * * *

  After lunch, Gavin went for a run, so Alice, Grace and I were free to discuss our plans for the rest of his life.

  ‘Robyn told me she’s going out with her parents this afternoon, and she won’t be back till late tonight,’ said Alice. ‘That means we can’t make a move until tomorrow morning.’

  ‘And what exactly are we going to do?’ asked Grace.

  ‘Not much, really,’ said Alice. ‘We’ve just got to get Gavin to go to the communal pool, and then we’ve got to make sure that Robyn notices him.’

  ‘Getting him there won’t be a problem,’ I said. ‘He told me this morning that it would be easier to improve my swimming strokes in a bigger pool. I’ll just ask him to come with me and give me a lesson there.’

  ‘Great,’ said Alice. ‘Good idea, Meg. Now, I’ve got a few suggestions for getting Robyn to notice Gavin. How about we secretly write a totally embarrassing message on the back of his t-shirt while he’s in the shower? Robyn could see it and feel sorry for him. Or we could swap his shower gel for hair removal cream, and when he’s going crazy wondering why his legs aren’t hairy any more, Robyn might ask him what’s wrong. Or we could unscrew the leg of his sunlounger, and when he sits down it’ll collapse, and Robyn could help him to get up. Or we could––’

  ‘Hey,’ I said holding up my hands. ‘How about you stop right there?’

  Alice looked surprised, and actually stopped talking.

  ‘I know you’re trying to help and everything,’ I said. ‘But why do you always have to be so extreme? Why don’t we just get Gavin to the pool, and hope that Robyn is there, and then, maybe they’ll just start chatting to each other – like normal people do.’

  Alice sighed. ‘You’re right as usual, Meg. I might have let myself get a teeny-tiny bit carried away. Let’s try your idea first – but if it doesn’t work, we’re going for the extreme stuff, OK?’

  ‘OK,’ I said. ‘Deal. And let’s just hope that Gavin never has to find out exactly how extreme you can be.’